My Terry Richardson Story (and one of the weirdest, most embarrassing days in my life) |
I originally posted about this in the AMA section on Reddit because I figured I could anonymously get my story across that way. Then I was directed to post it on the TwoXChromosomes section for women and so I did. Now, after the support I’ve received from Reddit, I’m a little more comfortable with the idea of people knowing this and since most people that follow me on here do not even know me in real life I thought this would be the next step.
Over the past few weeks I have seen several negative articles shared and posted by friends about Terry Richardson and because these are real life acquaintances I’m not totally comfortable (yet) saying “hey, I experienced this first hand and these are not just rumors”. I am basically admitting to an embarrassing, extremely naive point in my life in which I was impressionable and taken advantage of but I feel like it is necessary because maybe if I came across this story 5 years ago on tumblr I would’ve avoided the whole thing and maybe if enough people come foreword about their experiences with him, people will pay attention.
Over the past few weeks I have seen several negative articles shared and posted by friends about Terry Richardson and because these are real life acquaintances I’m not totally comfortable (yet) saying “hey, I experienced this first hand and these are not just rumors”. I am basically admitting to an embarrassing, extremely naive point in my life in which I was impressionable and taken advantage of but I feel like it is necessary because maybe if I came across this story 5 years ago on tumblr I would’ve avoided the whole thing and maybe if enough people come foreword about their experiences with him, people will pay attention.
So here’s my story:
When I was 19 and going to art school in NY, I decided I wanted to do nude “art” modeling (ha) on the side for money. I was creative, I was into embracing sexuality, I was comfortable with my body, it seemed like a fun, lucrative outlet. The reasoning and mentality of a lot of 18, 19, 20 year olds thinking about doing this.
I met and shot with a handful of people through model mayhem and friends of friends. It was fun, I felt good. I even got one of my best friends doing it too. I was always comfortable and never felt like I was being taken advantage of or in danger. I was never touched or made to feel like I had to do something out of my comfort zone. One photographer I worked with regularly referred to Terry Richardson as a shitty person but I didn’t know why and I kind of saw it as jealous behavior, I summed it up to him not wanting me to work with other people (jokes sort of on me now, I guess). Really, before Richardson, I was having a great time and felt totally in control. As my romp in the nude modeling world continued, I came across Richardson’s website one day and saw that you could submit to model. I did exactly what any naive 19 year old would do in this situation and emailed him.
I got a response very quickly. As an art school teenager, I liked his aesthetic. I didn’t know anything about him or his reputation. All I knew was one possessive photographer referred to him as shitty and that he took over-exposed “raw” photos of celebrities and socialites. I thought “Cool! He’s a well known photographer, this will only help me get more work.”
A time was set up and I went. It was a Saturday early evening, I went to his studio in Soho. When I got there his assistant let me in and I met him. He was very smiley and his studio was just a big studio apartment with a big white wall, some exposed brick and some cool art and furniture. We sat at his kitchen table, me, him, and his assistant. His assistant was probably 40-45, dark hair, some work done on her face. We sat at the table and they were super casual, she was ordering food and asked if I wanted any. I declined. I legitimately had a stomach infection and was puking and shitting everything I ate for the prior 2 days and actually went to the hospital later that night, but I remember he got this lemon garlic pasta and thinking that sounded really strange but really good. The assistant made me tea. He ate, she ate, I drank my tea and he was doing something on his computer and she had me sign the model release forms. I don’t remember what they said, definitely not anything specific about what he would want to do though, I had signed several of these before and it looked the same.
Eventually we got up to take pictures and he had me stand against the blank white wall in the middle of the apartment. I stood there and he started taking pictures, assistant off to the side. Then he came up and took pictures POV style pictures with his hand on my face. Then he put his thumb in my mouth, I actually thought this was funny in the moment and he and his assistant were very upbeat and light heartedly directing me. Then he stepped back at some point and had me start removing my clothes (I knew I would be getting nude, so this was not weird to me). I remember he had me take stuff off in stages, he complimented a lot, his assistant too. Definitely the usual trying to make the barely legal model feel special kind of thing looking back. At some point, I was being directed to do things like hold the top of his pants while he took more POV style pics, then eventually unbutton his pants and then his penis was out. Meanwhile, it felt like it was all just happening and there was no time to step back and be like “Woah, this is out of hand”. I am not an aggressive person naturally (and definitely wasn’t at 19) and the only way I can describe how I felt was nervous and paralyzed. At some point the assistant started taking pics too with a crappy point and shoot camera.
When he had me move to the couch area, I had completely become a sex puppet. He had me posing with my back to him and I literally felt him just start licking my ass out of no where, like every part of it, and the assistant was taking pictures the whole time. Things were now completely pornographic and never once initiated by me. He was now on the couch with me and it became sexual act after sexual act, aggressive kissing, random sexual things being done to me and being directed to do everything you can think of back, everything slow so his assistant could photograph. He even directed me to squeeze his balls as hard as I could so that they pushed back up into his body. I did not even know that was possible. At least I learned something about human anatomy that night? It ended with him jacking off on to my face and he told me to keep my eyes open really wide and his assistant stood over me. His cum got in my eye and he told me to keep it open and grabbed a camera and they both began taking pictures of it for a what felt like 10 minutes but was probably only 30 seconds. Finally, they backed off and were still acting like everything was totally fun and normal and upbeat or whatever and I think I was visibly in shock. I am quiet by nature and I was definitely quiet in that moment. This is when he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes and he started overly sweetly apologizing and so did his assistant. And he said something a long the lines of “oh, I always mean to ask that first I’m so sorry!”. This was the part that actually bothered me the most out of the whole event because 1. I think what just happened was hitting me and 2. What he said felt so fake and planned and like a slap in the face. I said it was fine that it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t care (I don’t know why, obviously he would care and did care. He knew I was nude modeling but nothing like this). Then I guess I cleaned up and got dressed and I don’t even remember saying bye or what happened as far as leaving the studio/apartment but his assistant wanted to come with me and paid for a cab. She rode halfway with me and was trying to comfort me and give me weird advice on how everything we did was ok and how I am clearly a strong girl even though I wasn’t even asking for advice. Then she left at her destination and I went home.
I told my roommate that night about it in disbelief. I still had that stomach infection going on and it got much worse that night and I ended up being taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Looking back I am almost 100% sure this was more panic attack induced than the stomach infection alone. My parents picked me up from the hospital that night and the day officially ended with me riding 5 hours to upstate NY with an adult diaper on in the backseat of my moms van.
I got a voicemail a couple weeks after from his assistant asking me to grow out my pubic hair and join her, him, and three girls my age on a shooting/camping trip. I did not respond but I think I did grow out my pubes and even though I had anger and guilt developing over the whole experience, I will always have the slight satisfaction knowing that Terry Richardson licked my stomach-infection-diarrhea ridden asshole.
When I was 19 and going to art school in NY, I decided I wanted to do nude “art” modeling (ha) on the side for money. I was creative, I was into embracing sexuality, I was comfortable with my body, it seemed like a fun, lucrative outlet. The reasoning and mentality of a lot of 18, 19, 20 year olds thinking about doing this.
I met and shot with a handful of people through model mayhem and friends of friends. It was fun, I felt good. I even got one of my best friends doing it too. I was always comfortable and never felt like I was being taken advantage of or in danger. I was never touched or made to feel like I had to do something out of my comfort zone. One photographer I worked with regularly referred to Terry Richardson as a shitty person but I didn’t know why and I kind of saw it as jealous behavior, I summed it up to him not wanting me to work with other people (jokes sort of on me now, I guess). Really, before Richardson, I was having a great time and felt totally in control. As my romp in the nude modeling world continued, I came across Richardson’s website one day and saw that you could submit to model. I did exactly what any naive 19 year old would do in this situation and emailed him.
I got a response very quickly. As an art school teenager, I liked his aesthetic. I didn’t know anything about him or his reputation. All I knew was one possessive photographer referred to him as shitty and that he took over-exposed “raw” photos of celebrities and socialites. I thought “Cool! He’s a well known photographer, this will only help me get more work.”
A time was set up and I went. It was a Saturday early evening, I went to his studio in Soho. When I got there his assistant let me in and I met him. He was very smiley and his studio was just a big studio apartment with a big white wall, some exposed brick and some cool art and furniture. We sat at his kitchen table, me, him, and his assistant. His assistant was probably 40-45, dark hair, some work done on her face. We sat at the table and they were super casual, she was ordering food and asked if I wanted any. I declined. I legitimately had a stomach infection and was puking and shitting everything I ate for the prior 2 days and actually went to the hospital later that night, but I remember he got this lemon garlic pasta and thinking that sounded really strange but really good. The assistant made me tea. He ate, she ate, I drank my tea and he was doing something on his computer and she had me sign the model release forms. I don’t remember what they said, definitely not anything specific about what he would want to do though, I had signed several of these before and it looked the same.
Eventually we got up to take pictures and he had me stand against the blank white wall in the middle of the apartment. I stood there and he started taking pictures, assistant off to the side. Then he came up and took pictures POV style pictures with his hand on my face. Then he put his thumb in my mouth, I actually thought this was funny in the moment and he and his assistant were very upbeat and light heartedly directing me. Then he stepped back at some point and had me start removing my clothes (I knew I would be getting nude, so this was not weird to me). I remember he had me take stuff off in stages, he complimented a lot, his assistant too. Definitely the usual trying to make the barely legal model feel special kind of thing looking back. At some point, I was being directed to do things like hold the top of his pants while he took more POV style pics, then eventually unbutton his pants and then his penis was out. Meanwhile, it felt like it was all just happening and there was no time to step back and be like “Woah, this is out of hand”. I am not an aggressive person naturally (and definitely wasn’t at 19) and the only way I can describe how I felt was nervous and paralyzed. At some point the assistant started taking pics too with a crappy point and shoot camera.
When he had me move to the couch area, I had completely become a sex puppet. He had me posing with my back to him and I literally felt him just start licking my ass out of no where, like every part of it, and the assistant was taking pictures the whole time. Things were now completely pornographic and never once initiated by me. He was now on the couch with me and it became sexual act after sexual act, aggressive kissing, random sexual things being done to me and being directed to do everything you can think of back, everything slow so his assistant could photograph. He even directed me to squeeze his balls as hard as I could so that they pushed back up into his body. I did not even know that was possible. At least I learned something about human anatomy that night? It ended with him jacking off on to my face and he told me to keep my eyes open really wide and his assistant stood over me. His cum got in my eye and he told me to keep it open and grabbed a camera and they both began taking pictures of it for a what felt like 10 minutes but was probably only 30 seconds. Finally, they backed off and were still acting like everything was totally fun and normal and upbeat or whatever and I think I was visibly in shock. I am quiet by nature and I was definitely quiet in that moment. This is when he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes and he started overly sweetly apologizing and so did his assistant. And he said something a long the lines of “oh, I always mean to ask that first I’m so sorry!”. This was the part that actually bothered me the most out of the whole event because 1. I think what just happened was hitting me and 2. What he said felt so fake and planned and like a slap in the face. I said it was fine that it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t care (I don’t know why, obviously he would care and did care. He knew I was nude modeling but nothing like this). Then I guess I cleaned up and got dressed and I don’t even remember saying bye or what happened as far as leaving the studio/apartment but his assistant wanted to come with me and paid for a cab. She rode halfway with me and was trying to comfort me and give me weird advice on how everything we did was ok and how I am clearly a strong girl even though I wasn’t even asking for advice. Then she left at her destination and I went home.
I told my roommate that night about it in disbelief. I still had that stomach infection going on and it got much worse that night and I ended up being taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Looking back I am almost 100% sure this was more panic attack induced than the stomach infection alone. My parents picked me up from the hospital that night and the day officially ended with me riding 5 hours to upstate NY with an adult diaper on in the backseat of my moms van.
I got a voicemail a couple weeks after from his assistant asking me to grow out my pubic hair and join her, him, and three girls my age on a shooting/camping trip. I did not respond but I think I did grow out my pubes and even though I had anger and guilt developing over the whole experience, I will always have the slight satisfaction knowing that Terry Richardson licked my stomach-infection-diarrhea ridden asshole.
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